Although I have been in America for more than five years, I still haven’t obtained my driver’s license. Whenever I practice driving and my husband gives me directions, I become confused. Even if I were to get my license, driving alone would be challenging for me. I struggle with distinguishing directions and remembering the roads. Even in the place I lived in for years in China, I can’t figure out East, West, South, and North.

This morning, I held my phone with a navigation map given to me by a friend, but I still managed to lose my way after two hours of walking. I called my friend multiple times, and it wasn’t until she explained that the building I needed to go to was across from the largest hotel that I finally found it! Two hours of walking left my legs tired.

After finishing my work, my brother picked us up from the hotel. As the car drove through the streets of Guiyang city, it felt like I was revisiting my past. I had spent two years studying in college in this city, and it was the happiest time of my life. I didn’t have to worry about tuition because we were teachers before entering the school for further studies, and the schools covered our expenses. I didn’t have to worry about finding a job after graduating because I would return to my previous school to continue teaching. We were carefree. We would even request sick leave to play card games in the dormitory, take trips to the countryside, dance in the hall every weekend, date the boys we liked, and visit classmates who lived nearby.

I used to stroll down the narrow streets, shopping for clothes and books, or holding hands with my boyfriend. That was 13 years ago. How time flies! The scenes may have changed, but the emotions they evoke haven’t—living in a dream where I’m still in my early twenties, unafraid of the future, and not concerned about getting older.

We arrived at my brother’s home in Jinsha County, where the village of my birth and upbringing is located. My brother, parents, relatives, and most of my friends live in Jinsha. My parents had already prepared food for us, including smoked meat and tofu, which I missed the most in America. The taste was even more delicious than I remembered!

After dinner, my cousins came to see me. It had been a long time since I last saw them, and some had grown old or become sick. I’m sure in their eyes, I have also aged.

We stayed in a hotel across the street from my brother’s building. It seemed nice, but when we returned at night, my son spotted a large cockroach on my mother-in-law’s room wall, and she was scared.

I feel sorry for her.